| Morningstar |
| Sunday, August 17, 2008 |
|
The SAF has always been a double edged sword for me. Training me. Moulding me. Teaching me. Warping me. Using me. Destroying me. I get out in 7 months, and contrary to what I've always been saying.... I can't wait. My job is getting unbearable. Work is piled on me, while everyone else walks around without a care in the world. I trust You, but not him. Thats why you do more work. Because You always do a good job! Because You were just standing there doing nothing! Because I know You won't say no. I hate the last one the most. It just stinks of manipulation. JUST because I don't mind doing work, doesn't mean that I like it. I'm just doing your work, because you can't be fucking bothered to do it. I should just sit back and not do shit at all, JUST to make you earn that fucking 4.5k paycheck that YOU don't deserve. . . . . . . Fuck. Sorry about that. I just feel this particular sense of un-belonging.I book in, people breeze in and out of my aura, sit down, smile, make small talk, bid me farewell. I book out, walking past shadows and staring into space. I come back from camp on a weekend, sign in to MSN and sit there expecting no one to drop in a message to me. Maybe I'm being childish. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I'm just not being open to the fact that the army is chewing up my social life, spitting it out, and spitting on it. Maybe I can see my destruction rushing upwards to me, as I fall too fast. Maybe, just maybe, deep down I am turning into a nihilist. Or maybe, just maybe, I need a hug. POSTED AT 8:46 AM |
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