| Morningstar |
| Thursday, February 16, 2006 |
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I have come to terms with the fact that I probably am going to leave Ngee Ann this semester. The Lecturers, for those who haven't gave up on me, I give thanks for. Mr Lee Yong Him, Mr Mukerjhee - For viewing me as a person, not just another one of their multitudes of students. And Surprisingly, Mr Tang Soon Leong - For being the most misunderstood but caring lecturer of them all. Kaze, Spiffmeister, Both your advice through out the semester has been everclear. Its just too big a fucking pity that I am a hardheaded stubborn sonuvabitch. I promise you two though, I WILL go down fighting. Though the results will be the same, and I'd die tired. Its like a sudden bout of clarity, once one's mind is made up. You sit down for a moment, and just when everything is going to be shot to shit, You start thinking straight. The only thing is, not everyone would agree to your plans. I considered sucide. On a quiet sunday. The thought of ending it all was... tempting. But the friends, the people I'll leave behind. heh. Yall might miss me. I considered withdrawing. But that would mean going through the parents, the explaining, and all the persuasive powers that my parents had over me since I was a kid. I considered.. letting go. and waiting for the dismissal letter. and decided that it would be my final plan. Sat down. Talked. and promised to go down fighting, kicking, screaming and generally pushing as much as I can. *shrug* I always liked the die-trying option. The whole honourable death thingy just has a weird way of gripping me. On the relationship front, I haven't had much luck either. My 2 outta 3 of my brothers are happily attached, and I am happy for them. Nonwithstanding, there would always be a feeling of bitterness involved. Man, you guys were supposed to play Dota. Not get attached. *despairing chuckle* Fuck. I don't have any right to get bitter. No Fucking right at all. Loneliness does many things to people. But right now, I wish to stay alone. I need time to myself. I need time to think. To be alone. By myself. POSTED AT 12:01 AM |
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